All you've been.

The wind is absolutely gorgeous today.
Not a patch of blue sky in sight just a glowing white-grey. The trees more of a yellowing green than the festive orange and red you'd expect a week before thanksgiving. The fallen petals who've given up the ghost skittle across the concrete like the exoskeletons of a defeated beetle army. Haha.

But the wind now, this makes my day.

It gusts through your clothes very innapropriately, lifting your shirt from your skin. Caressing your crossed arms and wrapping itself around your neck, all force and charisma, soothing yet a little bragging;like maybe everything will be alright after all and the possibilities are so much more real.

You know, I miss you so much today littlebigsister.
You'd be the one who I could talk to right now and somehow the sting of it all would somehow fade. With every shared confidence we'd make light of the situation till it became no matter anyways.

Instead you're fading to me.
I think of you less, talk about you less. And then I start to question if you're really still around at all.

I don't know how to die. I've come close to it enough that I realize how easy it is. No bright light or life flashing before your eyes that I know of. Just a slipping of a grasp that was feeble to begin with.

I realize this conflicts with my beliefs on the afterlife but sometimes I'm just scared and not all that believing.

I. don't. know.
That's all I have to say about that right now.