It's no secret I have a fascination with young Mormon men. Those suits, those bicycling calves, that iron clad resisting of fleshly temptations. And now a calendar?
This is sooo candy for my sweet tooth.
Combatant One: Liz "El Ratito" de Gaalon
Combatant Two: Demon "Ant" Iz'rogul
Winner: Liz "El Ratito" de Gaalon
All rumors aside, this is how it all went down:
We were at a weekend cookout. I'm swinging Avicus Grey over my shoulder in a playful gesture and all of a sudden I feel a painful sting on my neck.
Lo, I see Iz'Rogul (also known as "Ant Face") looming near my jugular, jubilation in his jowls. I take a seat, swatting off my Annoyance and continue in the conversation.
Not two minutes later, I imbibe that this insect from the Inferno has injected me with his ill will. The blood in my brain feels like it wants to burst out of it's weak barriers and the heartbeat, oh trustworthy one, slows like the minute hand of a clock. I walk away to cool my "hot head" and slip off my shoes to ease the pressure (?).
Dave strolls over to make sure I'm alright, "I'm going to pass out in 20 seconds, take me to the hospital", I plead _ he hollaz for Seth who runs over, scoops me up "Save me.." says I and that is the last, my brothers, that I remember.
(Witness story: I peed all over Seth carrying me when I passed out because I'm classy like that and he's into it. or is now haha)
Apparently I felt like a unwieldy bag of soggy sand, with flailing anchor limbs, carrying me into the ER.
Note: I've been dieting and working on my maneuverability ever since.
When we got to the hospital they thought I was dead with hardly a breath and an untraceable heartbeat, but if they could've read my unconscious I was thinking "I hope I swatted Demon "Ant Face" Iz'rogul hard enough to squash him into in-existence", because I'm hard-core like that.
I came to naked, with a tube down my throat, oxygen over my mouth, steroids and god-knows-what-else dripping into both veins(as apropos a veteran scrapper would.)
Because they didn't know my birth name, my bracelet read "Medical, Victor".
As it happens, I'm allergic to ants with a tolerance level of 0.
Light=heartedness aside, I'm concerned that when people of age ask to be taken to the hospital, it's granted them. When I lived in Houston two years ago the same thing happened only, luckily, less drastic. I asked to be taken and instead somehow I ended up in a bathtub of bleach water; the next morning, told I was faking it.
If someone had ended up hesitating just a moment the other weekend I wouldn't be writing this account, I chalk it up to Divine intervention. Thank You.
As is, now I need to carry a shot of adrenaline with me at all times, which I've had to take since - and makes you feel like you've robbed a bank, drunk 8 cups of shake-inducing-coffee, transformed into a 200 lb brick and then agreed to have animal testing done on your small intestines. I'm giving it a .5 thumbs down.
I had a sister who waited five hours+ to be taken to the emergency room and arguably things would have been different if people had hustled..
So that's the story for all you curious questioners.
But what of Demon "Ant" Iz'ragul? Word is he died ignominiously, just a bug among millions.
Score: Liz - 1 Familia Anticae - 0