Month XII. Year I. Day Threehundrend sixtyfive/six.

Today, to the day, you've spent one year exploring the world around you.

(a little aside, my beta fishy also turned one year. although of waaay less importance, fishy is the one animal (?) that I have been able to keep alive for more than a few months which I consider a triumph. don't get attached to pets I say, but this one is a slippery sort. However, the other day I DID drop him on the kitchen floor whilst changing his waterbowl and one of his eyes is swollen. I fear the worst)

Ahem. Again,
Today you turned one year. One. Year. Now I KNOW that you're a lifelong commitment but dang, one year. That's longer than I've kept anything going (see above fishy comment, soon to be "the late, fishy")

I've tried to document your progress on this website because I don't have one of those little baby books, heck, I don't even have a decent camera (soon to be remedied). So maybe this will be the only lasting by-the-moment-account of our formative years.

I'm saying our because really, I'm such a newbie at this you could almost smell the amateur in me. I know this because I often get stopped by strangers, first it's: "oh, what a cutie, let me guess...'x' old?
"ah ha, on the dot." says I.
"Oh that ones got a knowing look in his eyes, the rascal. Going to be a real heartbreaker."
"Haha, yes," says I again - diverting his outstretched hand on bosom-grabbing course.
"First?" (this one a little more empathetic, head cocked to one side)
"Indeedy." -Attempting to stuff him into my armpit while he claws at my nostrils, kicks my throat with his heels and smiles winningly at his quarry.
"Let me tell you something..." and this is where it either launches into a recipe for easy weaning/sleeping/time alone (all wishful thinking) or a detailed personal description of a trial faced during child rearing. All valid points but that's the neat thing about humans, unless you ARE that human or have been with that human since he was born, the best advice you can give is saying - "I understand. Don't sweat it."

Now that you're old enough to understand me...sort of, I'm trying to get less mad when I'm stuck in traffic, not express verbally when I burn myself on, well, anything and also let you know that I'm gonna love you for always, even if you get mad in traffic, cuss when you burn yourself, and when your love cup is a little empty and you start doing that annoying whining thing. I'm going to make excuses for you and hug you anyways. (I hope you one day grow to understand what a big big depart from the norm that would be for me.)
Because I know you're watching and I want you to grow up to be a decent, well-mannered sort of person.

I think we both surprised each other a bit with our resourcefulness. Because at the times I fall short and have a grumpy day, you're there with the goofiness and the grace to make me laugh anyways.
When I'm stupid, you just trust me to be less stupid next time for the both of us, no questions asked, no disapproving looks.
When I feel like a human stain, your beaming eyes as you try to impress me with your attempts at walking make me feel like something worth trying to impress.

So, Avi, if you're reading this 15 years from now and we're at odds because you're
-listening to ghetto rap
-dating a skeazy girl
-telling me I don't know what life's like
-frustrating the bleep out of me
-(please don't do these things)

I want you to know that I will try to have the grace to laugh on an off day, trust you to be less stupid the next time, and hope that I will always be someone who is worth impressing.


Happy Birthday Bunny.