The Longest Sitdown

I've found a little cranny.
My niche, if you will. It belongs to a coffeeshop. In a warm darkish spot where two walls of dark plank wood meet with a orangish glowing light chaperoning their union, I sit at the small square table facing the door -- desperado style. Mustard and I find ourselves here often to watch the tide of humanity seethe in and out. Their relatively indistinguishable collective buzzes warmly in this atmosphere of hipness and Javatopia.

I order a coffee and water. I get a watery coffee. Perfect.

Connect to the Internet. I have no emails and as a result, I believe, no friends...although a kindly "Katrina" has commented on my blog. Score.

Gangly waiter with pleasing look stalks past. Mustard wakes up and mews.

Mewling turns into all out snarling. I expose myself to the GP for the greater good of feeding my offspring.

SP: You're pathetic.
Liz: I agree.
SP: I'm cool.
Liz: You're right.

I consume a second cup of Cinnamon Hazelnut: A full-bodied blend with a touch of tenderness.

Mustard politely asks for me to, "Pass the breasticle."
He is a lovable baby leech.

Cell phone buzzes across the table.
"Hi. Liz? Just calling to wish you a happy birthday."
"Oh yea? Well it's not for another week, but thanks."
"Is that so? Oops, my bad."
"No problem. I don't blame you, it's not important."
"So uh..how are you?"
"Uh, great..real good."
"Yea, it is. Good, that is..it's good."
Long pause.
Deep breath.
"Okay well thanks for calling. I feel special."
"Oh yea! Sure, uh huh. okay I'll talk to you later then."
"Yup, for sho. Later there dude."
(HA! Bet you didn't know I was gonna add this here. You might have said something like, "I am extraordinarily cool and wonderful." Then, since it's in put down in writing, it would be true down through the annals of history. Maybe next time..)

A darkly, squat girl with a bob and leg warmers is setting up to play a musical set. I'm asked apologetically to move. I'm loathe to leave the saftely of my corner but tentatively venture outwards.

My new table feels like a stranger. And there's no warm light. It's also handicap accessible. Seems about right.

I'm on my third cup. Foggy Morning Brew: Guaranteed to clear your head on the foggiest of mornings.

Leg Warmers bursts into high-pitched, high-stepping song. What balls. The successive 30 minutes are spent in the company of her feminine angsty emotions as she melodically asks me to discover her "under layers" (is that poetic for underwear?), screams that I "move over and give her some room", and tells me that I'm the "best she's ever had (not to boast, but it's probably true), and now she needs me to "help her write the ending"
Well, here it is: Jesus took my whiny, conflicted heart and gave me sunshine all the livelong day.

And then she asks for 3 bucks.
Ha! I give you priceless pearls and that's the thanks I get. So long, girlie. See if I buy your CD or look you up on MySpace.
-- Speaking of that lair of Satan, I flatly refuse to frequent that perversion of webspace. 'Blogger is just as bad' you may argue but I say, these days one must pick their poison.

Yawn. Ooh! an email!!..I still feel rather angsty.

I feel I have just soaked in warm bath of sudsy love.

subject: a real tear-jerker

from: southpaw
to: liz

(composed by southpaw while liz was in the bathroom for the 5th time in an hour)
(liz: that's an exaggeration)

i love you
when your afraid
i love you
faster then a bullet
i love you
longer then a train
i love you
like something out of reach
i love you
and your meatloaf
i love you
twice as often as i say it

i love you
in languages i can't speak
i love you
when you don't love me
i love you
first last and middle
i love you
higher then a bird can fly
i love you
with words i can't spell
and never will know how to
I miss you when you leave
and love you when you stay
i love you
forever and a day

The feeling is slowly leaving my bottom due to poor circulation. Sigh. I think I've milked this experience for all it's worth.

Mustards' diaper is so full it's like a time bomb just waiting to explode, hehe -- a Mustard Bomb..get it? haha. Oh that's prize.

I finally have my fill and leave. 3 cups of coffee fuller and a plethora of visual stimuli under my belt. Till the next time I need to kill a couple hours, this has been fun. Goodnight.


NIKITA said...

you're cool and I love you, but I'm sure you already know that. i called but you were busy, then you called and i was out. i'll call again.

Roses are blue said...

happy early birthday then. I hope mustard is growing strong and proud and handsome.
I'm sure of it.
what a fabulous story...

SouthPaw said...

HA! nice try liz.

here's what really happened.

SP: I'm a pathetic loser
Liz: I know
SP: you're so cool
Liz. (yawn) I know
SP: you make the best meatloaf
Liz: yeah, i pretty much already knew that, but thanks anyway.

p.s it so WAS the 5th time in an hour.

p.p.s i love you and your meatloaf.