Month I

Dearest Mustard/Mon cher petit Moutarde,
I just wanted to fill you in on your life so far seeing as you won't remember it just a few short years from now and you're just too cute to go to waste. I'm typing while you nurse, one arm a little weighed down. It seems like that's all you do nowadays. Drink. Feed. Suckle. Enlarge.

Your extra long, delicate fingers make intricate shapes in the air as you concentrate on my breast. It feels so wierd and cool having something as real and as little as you depend on me for everything. Wierd and so frikkin awesome. I like you already.

I was a little nervous because I thought I wasn't going to be a good enough mommy. I still am. There hasn't a week gone by that I haven't had some crisis as to what to do about you. "Is that bump on his head normal?" "Is he supposed to eat that much?" "Hiccup that much?" "Poop that much?" I guess, you ARE a boy. Maybe I'll gain some confidence in time. I hope.

I'm proud of your accomplishments: lifting your head up to strain your turtlish little neck around. Often, when I'm holding you and talking I'll get the strange feeling that I'm being watched, I'll look down to see your beady little eyes studying me intently. You'll squeeze them closed quickly to try to trick me into thinking you've been sleeping all along.

When you were born I loved you as an idea. My own little alien mushy.
When I saw you I loved you as the epitome of perfection, every line and feature exquisitely drawn, and all mine. (Mua ha ha ha)
But now each day attaches a little part of you into my heart. All your goofy faces that you weren't supposed to get from me, your toes that splay out like a fan, your crooked grins at some unseen joke. I think you're just about the swellest thing EVER.

P.S. Um, the projectile pooing and peeing like a sprinkler when I change you I could do without.

Much love, Mommy


Wombat said...

gosh i miss that little turd and his girlish wailing.

and he told me to tell you that he thinks you are a great mother.

Joni said...

He is SO beautiful Liz!!!
And....you'll do it again --hee ;)
I know all that you're talking about. But isn't it wonderful when it's over? I don't think I've ever experienced happiness like the time I had my first baby. CONGRATULATIONS!!

LoxyFady said...

*sob* That ity bity stage - I miss it so much.

"Perfect" never before had this much meaning did it?

Maria said...

And why oh why do they need to wait to poop till you're changing them? Chad knows all about poop shooting into his bare hand while trying to quickly put a new diaper on. He never was quite quick enough.

Liz said...

I've measured that he can spoop (spray poop) a length of 2 feet. Should I be nervous or write in to Ripley's Believe it or Not?

Roses are blue said...

Lol, Lila did the same when she sneezed for the first 2 months. Don't be alarmed.
Liz, you're the coolest mom ever! You express just what all of us would like to say, but you don't sound dorky and "momish" when you do it. You're my hero! :D

Doe said...

Such a pooch..I want to sqeeze him, and you to my love.

Liz said...

HA. I actually read it over later and was like "lordy, I am SUCH a sappy dork". So thank you Rosie for making me feel better about it. :D

clare said...

hey my baby doesn't spoop!! should i be worried?

Nadia said...

Awww.. I miss that stage. Enjoy every bit of it, Liz. They grow so fast. My baby was crawling all over me tonight as I tried to put her to sleep and I thought back to when she would just lay next to me and coo when she wasn't tired. Why do they have to grow so fast?