31.5.06

Evangelize me!

Our next door neighbors are young Mormon missionary boys.
I've been keeping tabs on them for a while and I count four.
Four bikes on the porch, four little helmets neatly in a row.

I have to admit I'm terribly intrigued by them. All I've heard of Mormonism is that they don't drink coffee, alcohol (of course), keep many wives on their farms back home -- and God lives on a planet and has sex with Spirit Ladies to create Souls.
They also got some revelatory stones but then they got taken back? (indian givers)
All this is too much for my curious little mind!

So I'm out to get proselytized.

I see them every day, shiny little faces, badges proclaiming them "elders" neatly pinched on their starched shirts; getting geared up to win the world one neighborhood at a time.

I try to look as sheepy as possible.

I smile and instigate conversations such as "Hi".

So far, my mission is not going well. They've probably seen my little balled belly and decided that I must be living in sin and already dammed to Hell-fhar! and Tarnation!

Aw shucks, say I. Maybe I should invite them over for coffee...

18 comments:

chad said...

A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Mormon bishop were discussing when life begins.

"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."

"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."

"You've both got it wrong," said the bishop. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house."

Kristina said...

They do drink soda, go figure. ;)

LoxyFady said...

Not to mention, in the mormon religion women don't have the same rights in the church as do the men.

Blegh.

Since I've learned that I've toatlly quit honking at them.

:P

clare said...

eheheheh hehe. heh heh. eh.

clare said...

eheheheh hehe. heh heh. eh.

clare said...

oops.

Florence said...

i love flirting with mormons.
i loooove looking sheepy.
and then just when they think they've got me snagged, i pounce on them with cleverly veiled cynical questions.
HA i must be the first one that thought of doing that!!!

...

Liz said...

oh but that's my plan entirely.
they're just not catching the bait..

ZERO said...

How are they on nudity?

Florence said...

good question. i hear that when they ordain you they strip you naked and touch you everywhere with oily fingers. they call it "anointing."
creepy ay.

Kristina said...

How are they on nudity? Behold Mormon undergarments!!!

Charlock said...

Anyone who can smile that big while wearing a tie, has to be hideing something! There's something not right here I tell ya!

ZERO said...

Those are some sportin' long johns.

A tishe on the risque side but passable.

Florence said...

i suggest you greet them in the morning with a cheerful "Good morning, Elders!"

Liz said...

mormon undergarments!? those are the dang sexiest sleepwear I own!:D

so they DO know how to have a good time...

don't get me wrong here folks, I have absolutely nothing against mormons, seeing as I am so naive to their ways. they seem quirky but I'll be durned if people don't say the same about me.
I just want to get INSIDE. see what makes'em TICK.
I love me some diversity..

I like that one, Flo.

Kristina said...

Ah.. but did you know that they wear those undergarments under their clothes, and not just at bedtime?

BarbarianDave said...

In their eyes you probably seem like a perfect addition to their wife collection due to your fair complection. You should ask them if they live "the principle".

Lisa said...

Ah yes, ive always wanted to read The Book of Mormon.