15.9.05

The young and the breathless

Continuing on in this mad quest for fitness, my sister and I have been pushing ourselves to the max, mentally and physically. Oh sure, there are the detractors, those who will stop at nothing in their, no doubt, jealousy of our sinewy thighs to get us to lay down our weights and come off the..mat?

Not daunted in the slightest we heave and ho with the legendary fitness greats:
freaks such as Kathy Smith, The Firm, Austin Powers and Billy Buttblaster.

Award for Most Righteous Instructor would go to Denise Austin. On an uninformed whim, we slip this character into the DVD and prepare to become "Toned and Tightened". What came next can only be described as bewildering.

Here we see a stocky, leather-skinned woman -- I'd guess around late 70's, early 80's -- florescent pink spandex hiked up well above the navel line standing on what appears to be the lawn of a home for the elderly in Southern Cali.

All standard it seems, yes? NO!
We stand transfixed in front of the screen, curious and amused smiles on our rosy faces as she proceeds -- without caution, to flail all four limbs in four distinctly opposing directions, as it would seem, on impulse.
Next, she throws in some "salsa" moves. Moves that on a exotic looking latina would no doubt exude sex appeal, looks more like a stacatto attempt at playing the cymbals with a twist.
Peppered throughout her comical display are her encouraging and peppy shouts at you, the trainee.
"You're SPECIAL!"
"You deserve this!"
"I love you!!"
"Chasse!"...at which point she flings her self across the screen in a bold attempt at ballet.

It was hard to pull ourselves away but duty called and as we grit our teeth with each hard-earned lunge and dip I hear her high, ringing voice resonating through my head. "YOU'RE WORTH IT!"

Dag Jimminy! I am SO special and what's more, I LOVE you!!
Gen-i-us.

3 comments:

LoxyFady said...

Oh the evil that is workout videos!

But seriously, what's worse Denise Austin's "You're Special" or Jane Fonda's tempo'd "Make it burn!" said to a background of yelps and moans?

And I'm sorry but nothing is more disturbing than a room full of woman doing cat curls.

LOL.

Liz said...

haha. good point.

work out videos are from satan. I don't know How I got conned into doing them...

LoxyFady said...

We all do! ;)