Sunday last, a friend invited me to accompany her family on an excursion to Six Flags, the Theme Park. It's not polite to turn down these generous offers and besides, I figgered I'd soak in the atmosphere and just hang out with friends.
Here's the catch: I have an aversion to rollercoasters.
Now, I know it's fashionable and cute to be a pocket rocket kinda gal, giddily staggering from one ride to the next, exclaiming how "awesome" each train tracked it's course. But I find my fuse can light just smashingly without strapping myself to a gaudily painted machine and ricocheting myself at whiplash inducing speeds for all of 15 seconds.
My theory is that adrenaline is provisional.
You get an allotted amount to work with and it's up to your judgement as to what you do with it. For example, I'm cleverest when I'm marathoning mine and drinking...erm, thinking. Yes.
All sorts of unthought-of thoughts get thunk at times like these.
Conversely though, you notice when one gets off a rollercoaster they're not spouting Chaucer.
It's more of a frantic, "Ooh! Waah! Man, that so totally like rocked! I'm gonna do it again and this time I'm gonna puke when I'm, like, upside down!!"
"Alright, duuude! As soon as my testes crawl back down my stomach and I regain the use of my heartbeat."
I understand the excitement of the moment. I understand the incredible rush of going 0-70 in 3 seconds. I'm all for extreme sports. But sorry, you fairground junkies, it's a tame way of saying -- I'd like to be hard core but I'm only dangerous in a controlled environment.
Let me tell you folks, these types of people are Bad in Bed.
HA! Take that!!
They've got nothing in reserve, it's all out-front and what you see is what you get. I'll take the snowboarder any day, or better yet, the montanista. Those guys know what it means to live on the edge and, Lordamercy, they hold nothing back.
So when you step off those death traps, gray brain matter oozing out your ears, don't expect me to overcompensate for your lacks.
I'll be KICKING MAD TAIL in Scooby-Doo's Haunted House.