I will be attacked mercilessly for this, but danger excites me

Sunday last, a friend invited me to accompany her family on an excursion to Six Flags, the Theme Park. It's not polite to turn down these generous offers and besides, I figgered I'd soak in the atmosphere and just hang out with friends.

Here's the catch: I have an aversion to rollercoasters.

Now, I know it's fashionable and cute to be a pocket rocket kinda gal, giddily staggering from one ride to the next, exclaiming how "awesome" each train tracked it's course. But I find my fuse can light just smashingly without strapping myself to a gaudily painted machine and ricocheting myself at whiplash inducing speeds for all of 15 seconds.

My theory is that adrenaline is provisional.
You get an allotted amount to work with and it's up to your judgement as to what you do with it. For example, I'm cleverest when I'm marathoning mine and drinking...erm, thinking. Yes.
All sorts of unthought-of thoughts get thunk at times like these.
Conversely though, you notice when one gets off a rollercoaster they're not spouting Chaucer.
It's more of a frantic, "Ooh! Waah! Man, that so totally like rocked! I'm gonna do it again and this time I'm gonna puke when I'm, like, upside down!!"
"Alright, duuude! As soon as my testes crawl back down my stomach and I regain the use of my heartbeat."

I understand the excitement of the moment. I understand the incredible rush of going 0-70 in 3 seconds. I'm all for extreme sports. But sorry, you fairground junkies, it's a tame way of saying -- I'd like to be hard core but I'm only dangerous in a controlled environment.

Let me tell you folks, these types of people are Bad in Bed.
HA! Take that!!

They've got nothing in reserve, it's all out-front and what you see is what you get. I'll take the snowboarder any day, or better yet, the montanista. Those guys know what it means to live on the edge and, Lordamercy, they hold nothing back.

So when you step off those death traps, gray brain matter oozing out your ears, don't expect me to overcompensate for your lacks.
I'll be KICKING MAD TAIL in Scooby-Doo's Haunted House.


anita said...

your so gonna die when i get home.

but your right about one thing.
Scooby-doo was cool.

R.S.Maddock said...

Ha ha - this from the girl who ran her finger over the rim of an opened can to see if it would actually cut her (and, believe it or not, it did). Sliced metal is more likely to put a deep gouge in your finger than a roller coaster is to throw you off or whatever it is you're worried is going to happen.

CHUCK said...

I'd JUST LIKE TO SAY, that contrary to this wonderful woman's opinion...


Thank you

God bless you

Liz said...

not doubting your word,
but I'll have to see it to believe it:D

Miss B said...

Yeah, Liz, I say, you and I think ALIKE! It's so rare I find someone with similiar opinions to me. I remember the last coaster I went on and I shudder. The thought that I'm "weak" bothered me, so I came to the conclusion that I hate roller coasters because I like to be in control. Yeah! I don't like the feeling of being thrown hither, thither and yon. I like feeling that when I want it to stop, it will stop.
And about your "bad in bed" theory, on the upside that means we're "good in bed". Yeah. Though we are scorpios, so that gives us an extra edge. ;)

Liz said...

Yeeeah baby! Tomcats in the sack, these two!
I'm not speaking from firsthand experience for you but seeing as you're a scorpio..one can only assume..hehe.
I agree about that control factor as well.

Guess who... said...

By the way - if I'm a scorpio and I like roller coasters, in your twisted theory, what does that make me?? You should probably know that when you start flinging insults at anyone who likes roller coasters (i.e. everybody but you) that have to do with their sex lives, we all assume you're being seriously deprived of something (i.e. sex). Go find you some decent loving and quit insulting us!

anita said...

chill out dude. no ones attacking you or your sex life. but if the shoe fits....sleep with it.

Liz said...

Grand Theory #2 decrees: If you're uptight, you're not getting enough/good sex.
I'd recommend a little personal time with yourself;)

Chuck said...

AHAHAHAHA. Dude...he/she's strung so tight, I bet if he/she tried, he/she'd snap.

Wouldn't be able to handle the release.
There's just no hope for you bud.

On another note. I am ruled by venus, and venus is in Scorpio.

Like I said...I'M GOOD IN BED.

wallop wallop

Liz said...

*extends hand and claps Chuck on the back*

you're too cute.

f|35h said...

Scorpio Schmorpio.

The desire for sex does not dictate the ability in the act.


In other news today.

Do you snowboard?

And in my post-defense.--

I am 100% Terrible in bed.

It's better on a desk.

Liz said...

you're right.
but desire is the trigger.

and that trigger might just belong to a gatling gun;)

Andruss said...

there is no such thing as too much doggie style

Anonymous said...